Help! Call the friend police!

My birfday is coming soon (Cinco de Mayo) and it seems that there is the distinct possibility I am going to be kidnapped!

My pals Dave "the Canadian" and Brian "the Republican" (other conspirators may be involved, such as Tommy "Two Times") are conjurring up some grand scheme. All that I know is that it involves some sort of abduction, followed by what has been described as: "fun."

I am supposedly going to be taken some point this Saturday afternoon and returned sometime Sunday evening. The kidnappers have made no demands, though they haven't really kidnapped me yet.

On a relative note, I will be turning the big 3-Oh. Do I feel like it's going to be a big thing? I honestly don't know. I don't think it'll be a big deal, but then again I am still holding on to my age: only 29.969945355191256830601092896175 years old.